The Happiness Project: February (pt. 2, 3, 4)

The Happiness Project

February 2015 : Remember Love

Marriage

 

Part 2

{Don't Expect Praise or Appreciation}

 

Sometimes we want, even more than help, a little praise or appreciation.

We tell ourselves that we do certain chores or other things "for our husband", or "for the kids", or others, but when it goes unnoticed or unrewarded with words of praise or acknowledgment, we often feel resentment or hurt. We kind of set ourselves up for disappointment when they don't get involved in "our" projects or don't notice what we've done.They do notice, they do appreciate, and doing things doesn't always require that "gold star". It makes it even more special and genuine when we do receive a thank you or act of appreciation.

  

Part 3

{Fight Right}

 

"Marital conflicts fall into two categories: issues that can be clearly resolved and those that can't. Unfortunately, more conflicts fall into the open-ended 'How should we spend our money?" or "How should we raise our children?" categories than the easier "What movie should we watch this weekend?"

 

"It takes at least five positive marital actions offset one critical or destructive action, so one way to strengthen a marriage is to make sure that the positive outweighs the negative. When a couple's interactions are usually loving and kind, it's much easier to disregard the occasional unpleasant exchange."

 

-Stop snapping.

-Stop blaming.
-Fight right.

 

 

Part 4

{No Dumping}

 

At first this sounds good....it's all about pleasing me....but if this saying is true, that's a big responsibility. You do tend to make people happier when you tend to your own happiness-but it goes beyond that. By being happy yourself, you are better able to try to make others happier.

 

"Happy people generally are more forgiving, helpful and charitable, have better self-control, and are more tolerant of frustration than unhappy people, while unhappy people are more withdrawn, defensive, and self-absorbed. Happiness has a particularly strong influence in marriage, because spouses pick up each other's moods so easily. A 30% increase in one spouse's happiness boosts the other spouse's happiness, while a drop in one spouse's happiness drags the other down."

Gretchen observed while doing the project that the happier she seemed to be, the more her husband tried to make her happy, and when she was unhappy-for whatever reason-her husband went into a funk. So part of her attempt to be happier- she resolved, "No dumping", especially on her husband. She would bring up her worries if she really needed her husbands support or counseling, but wouldn't dump her minor troubles on him.